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Speaker 1

00:00

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hello there. I'm John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight. We are off this week for Easter, but we wanted to give you a special message while we're away. And to do it in 1 of YouTube's most entertaining forms.

Speaker 1

00:17

I'm talking, of course, of YouTube conspiracy videos. Science fiction for people who don't understand they're watching science fiction. Whenever I see a YouTube conspiracy video, I am overcome with jealousy. I mean, first, there's a wave of, this guy has to be fucking kidding right.

Speaker 1

00:36

But then it's jealousy at the sheer scale of imagination required to believe that the Denver airport was designed by the Illuminati, or that Katy Perry is actually John Bernay Ramsey all grown up. Both real theories, by the way, and better than any joke I could ever devise in a million years. Now, of course, any great Internet conspiracy video needs 2 key things. 1, a wild claim that something we take for granted is actually the responsibility of robots, aliens, or U.S.

Speaker 1

01:07

Presidents who are also robots or aliens. And 2, you need an eye for incredibly specific detail and an ability to make wild accusations with complete confidence. So that is why tonight, I'm going to make my own YouTube conspiracy video, and take on a topic that no 1 has had the guts to explain. I'm talking, of course, about the conspiracy behind Cadbury Cream Eggs.

Speaker 1

01:31

And if you mean, oh, are you talking about why they aren't available year-round, then they have already gotten to you. Turn this off now, you're a tool of the establishment, and you're too far gone to wake up. -...the rest of you, open your eyes. -...open your eyes, America.

Speaker 1

01:47

The Cadbury Cream Egg is a terrible candy that tastes like mermaid placenta covered in candle wax. And yet, and yet, every year, these eggs show up in January like newly signed gym memberships or movie theaters full of films that will never win Oscars. But why? But why does this happen?

Speaker 1

02:06

That's the question. And the reason is simple, if you just follow the money. The average Cadbury cream egg sold in the U.S. Weighs 34 grams.

Speaker 1

02:15

The same number of streets in Miracle on 34th Street. A movie which takes place on Christmas. What's the most memorable Christmas gift of all? 5 golden rings.

Speaker 1

02:24

Of course, gold. Now, Europe's largest supply of gold is held by Germany. Germany is 1 of the sites where Freemasonry took hold. And where is the Cadbury Corporation based?

Speaker 1

02:36

That's right, the United Kingdom. Which is only a quick and affordable flight from guess where? Oh, yes, Germany! Now, Now, you might be asking at this point, John, what does gold in Germany have to do with candy in Britain?

Speaker 1

02:51

That question is a false flag. I ask you again, I ask you again, quibono, which as we know is Latin for, why is bono everywhere all the time? Because that is the connection here, musicians. Here is what they don't want you to know.

Speaker 1

03:08

Cadbury cream eggs were originally sold as Fry's cream eggs. Oh, why did they change their name? What were they running from? Maybe their true identity.

Speaker 1

03:18

Fry. F-R-Y. 3 letters. 3.

Speaker 1

03:22

Like a triangle. Now, take a cream egg, cut it in half, and put it in that triangle. What does that look like? The Illuminati eye of Providence Pyramid.

Speaker 1

03:34

I'll give you a second to recover now, because I just blew your f***ing mind! -♪ ♪ -♪ Because clearly, clearly here, open your eyes! -♪ ♪ -♪ Clearly here, Cadbury cream eggs appear in our stores for the financial benefits of Illuminati elites such as Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and Al Sharpton. Now, I have no idea if any of that is true.

Speaker 1

04:00

In fact, that's wrong. I'm pretty sure most of it is completely false. But it felt amazing to say, and it almost made sense. And that is what YouTube conspiracy videos are all about.

Speaker 1

04:10

Thank you so much for watching. We will be back next Sunday on HBO with a new episode of last week tonight. Until then, go to bed, sheeple. It's late.

Speaker 1

04:19

Open your eyes! Open your eyes! -♪ ♪ -♪ APPLAUSE AND CHEERING you