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Speaker 1

00:00

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hello there, Internet. I'm John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight. Except this week, I have been relegated to YouTube, like some kind of piano-playing cat. I would like to take this opportunity to appreciate and respond to some of the fan mail that we have received.

Speaker 1

00:20

It's not literal mail, of course, because I host a television show in 2014, not a farmer's almanac from 1842. So I will be replying to several comments from the Last Week Tonight YouTube page. A few weeks ago, for instance, we did a story on America's nuclear arsenal, and the discourse it set off was... Let's just say it was full of words.

Speaker 1

00:45

LAUGHTER A YouTube user actually wrote, and this is very touching, I don't even understand why the audience is laughing. Which I hope was a comment on the seriousness of the subject matter, and not a referendum on the comedy contained. Either way, it cannot possibly be more hurtful than the comment on the same video reading, John Oliver's face does look like a parrot. Now, there's a lot to feel uncomfortable about there, but primarily, there's the word, -"does." Like he's agreeing with someone.

Speaker 1

01:21

-$PARROT LAUGHS yes, good point. That man's face is rather parrot-like. Why isn't this TV show more about wanting crackers? It makes no sense.

Speaker 1

01:30

-$PARROT LAUGHS AND CLAPS $PARROT CLAPS Make cracker jokes, parrot. Do it, parrot. Moving on, for instance, more recently, a viewer wrote to us regarding the practice of native advertising in the news, saying, unsubscribed when the shit talk on Code Red started, when you mock the second best cherry soda, you done goofed. Now...

Speaker 1

01:54

Now... Listen. Listen, I done goofed before, but... But not in a dog's age.

Speaker 1

02:02

In fact, the last time I'd done goofed this bad, I reckon the corn was as high as an elephant's eye. But if you are willing to abandon this show because I made fun of your second favourite cherry soda, then goodbye, sir. Goodbye. You shall not be missed.

Speaker 1

02:22

Anyone who has a second favourite flavour of cherry soda probably also has a second favourite smelling brand of gasoline. But... But... But...

Speaker 1

02:31

But my favourite comment in recent weeks was this 1 from the very same video which was in Spanish. And it really touched me to think that my comedy had crossed the language barrier. Finally, I thought, I truly understand what it means to live la vida loca. Until that is, I went to a Google translation page and pressed translate, and saw the message was Spanish for, son of a bitch, mother-fucking shit like you see on TV makes me sick the world.

Speaker 1

03:01

-...which, -... Even if the translation was clunky, it's certainly not a compliment. LAUGHTER And now, finally, because we do not want to leave you on a negative note, Here's 1 last comment from YouTube, saying, this guy is brilliant. Which...

Speaker 1

03:23

That warms my heart. Because finally, someone saw me for me. Because brilliant, Brilliant is exactly what I am. If you are mistaking me for anything, for doing anything other than...

Speaker 1

03:36

If you're mistaking me, for instance, for doing something brilliant, you are frankly not paying any close attention to what I'm saying. So we will be back in September, on the 7th of September, at 11 p.m. On HBO, by which point this video will have undoubtedly amassed enough hateful vitriol for us to film a follow-up. Thank you so much for watching.

Speaker 1

03:57

A special thanks to our YouTube commenters down there. You are all brilliant, every single 1 of you. We'll see you in September. Goodbye.