10 minutes 9 seconds
🇬🇧 English
Speaker 1
00:00
-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Hello there, Internet. It's me, John Oliver. Look, our show is still on hiatus right now, but I wanted to come back briefly to talk to you about something, and that something is... Snacks.
Speaker 1
00:14
Guys, I'm a snack fiend. I love all those salty crunches and fizzy sippums, their crinkly bags and shiny bottles. I don't even mind that they're all nutritionally bankrupt and taste like red dye number 40. Taste is just 1 of the senses, and honestly, it's overrated.
Speaker 1
00:30
My complaint is with snack companies, specifically how they caught the youth. Camping out on Twitter, spamming whatever the current hot meme is. Like when everyone decided to tweet red flag statements, along with red flag emojis. It started, like most good things online, on black Twitter.
Speaker 1
00:47
And from there, it proceeded directly to hell, with Chips Ahoy tweeting, I don't like chocolate chip cookies, red flags. Pringles tweeting, I don't stack my hashtag Pringles, flags. Captain Crunch tweeting, I like my cereal soggy. And Pop-Tarts tweeting, when they boil Pop-Tarts.
Speaker 1
01:05
There were many, many more of these, all of which deserve, conservatively, life in prison. But the thing is, this is what brands do now. They hang out on Twitter, regurgitating memes, and occasionally pretending to have a mental health crisis. But when Sonny D tweeted simply, -"I can't do this anymore." -$$LAUGHTER $$LAUGHTER And Pop Tarts responded, "'Can I please offer you a hug?
Speaker 1
01:30
We are gonna get through this together, my friend." An exchange which I'm pretty sure just gave me actual depression. And you might be thinking, well, hold on, hold on. What should snack brands be doing, John Oliver, while you sit there, judging them in your ivory tower, and your fancy tie, and your haircut someone tried really hard on? Well, I'll tell you what they should be doing, because they already did it back in the 1990s, when, and this is true, they made video games.
Speaker 1
01:56
Yeah. Brands like 7-Up, the poor man's Sprite, and the rich man's Sierra Mist... -...made games, starring their almost poetically lazy mascot, Cool Spot. They took the spot from their logo, gave it cool sunglasses, and called it Cool Spot...
Speaker 1
02:13
Art. There was the game, Cool Spot, Spot the video game, Spot the cool adventure, And 1995's Spot Goes to Hollywood. And the crazy thing is, some of those games were pretty decent. Here's Cool Spot, jumping around a beach.
Speaker 1
02:30
Here he is, bouncing around a soda bottle, and here he is, trying to murder a mouse in pajamas. And look, here was a great example of a brand transcending its origins, in this case, seltzer that a lime sneezed in, and becoming something truly great. And importantly, 7-Up was not alone on this. Cheetos released Chester Cheetah, Too Cool to Fool.
Speaker 1
02:53
And it's remarkable that grown-up executives sat around a table at Cheeto HQ and signed off on a video game that they thought might sell their desiccated cheese poops. And you're thinking, but, John, steady on. Of course Cheetos and 7-Up made video games. Their mascots already look like video game characters.
Speaker 1
03:12
A less extreme snack brand would never make 1. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Chex Quest. In 1996, Chex made a video game.
Speaker 1
03:25
Chex, the child's AM disappointment. The party mistake. The cereal that comes in flavors of wheat, rice, and corn, even though all 3 taste like the box it came in. That Chex licensed the game engine from fucking Doom at the height of the shooter video game, Moral Panic, and made a game that looked like this, with absolutely non-stop violence, putting copies of it in boxes off, and this bears repeating, Chex cereal!
Speaker 1
03:55
And their only attempt at making this relevant to Chex was switching the hero with a corn square, which raises the question, why? Why did Chex
Speaker 2
04:06
do that? We wanted to make a first-person shooter game that could fit in a cereal box, because we knew that's what the kids would want. 6000000 copies in 6000000 boxes of cereal.
Speaker 2
04:18
They were gone in 6 weeks. And Czech cereal sales went up 248%. Czech cereal was happening.
Speaker 1
04:28
It's true. For 6 weeks in 1996, Czech cereal fucked. And that is true.
Speaker 1
04:38
That is the transformational, reality-bending quality video games could bring to boring brands around the world today. Oh, and if you're wondering just how a serial company turned around a video game in record time They found a helpful little trick.
Speaker 2
04:53
We found the most brilliant Secret weapon on the planet. His name is Scott Holman. He was 17 in high school.
Speaker 2
05:05
The company's sitting and waiting for 3.30. It's like, oh we can't start until school's out. School gets out, he starts programming, he works until 11.30. If you talk to a professional, they will tell you why you can't get it done.
Speaker 2
05:20
But if you need to get it done anyway, look for a teenager.
Speaker 1
05:24
-♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪
Speaker 3
05:31
Okay,
Speaker 1
05:36
Child labor laws aside, if you need to get it done, look for a teenager, it's just not a good adage. If you need someone to explain TikTok to you, look for a teenager, is better. If you need someone to say something casually mean about you when you're passing them in the street that will live in your brain until the day you die, look for a teenager, that is better still.
Speaker 1
05:57
And look, at this stage, I feel I've pretty much proven my point here, which I think was something about how snack video games were both stupid and spectacular. No more examples needed. And yet, I have another 1 for you. Pepsi Man.
Speaker 1
06:12
Pepsi Man? Yes, Pepsi Man. That is a real game that human beings made. They even made cover art, which I can only describe as, what if an aluminum can was a power top?
Speaker 1
06:24
Guaranteed, 100 percent, this thing comes Pepsi. Incidentally, don't look that up. Don't Google horny Pepsi Man. Don't do that.
Speaker 1
06:31
Look at me. I'm trying to protect you. Don't do that. --LAUGHTER -- Pepsi Man was a Japan-exclusive game and was essentially Temple Run, except you're a Pepsi-themed superhero saving people with Pepsi.
Speaker 1
06:44
But that barely describes the rich narrative at play.
Speaker 4
06:48
Pepsi Man. It looks like the main computer of Pepsi City went out of control a little while ago from being overloaded. There isn't enough Pepsi for everyone, and violence has flared up amongst those wanting Pepsi.
Speaker 4
07:01
Exhausted people are collapsing because they can't refresh themselves with Pepsi.
Speaker 1
07:07
What? I mean, that clip has everything you could ever want. A cop saying the word Pepsi too many times, the main computer of Pepsi City, and the word amongst. And at this point, I would love to show you that between levels, there are clips of a stereotypical American chugging Pepsi and shouting at you about how good Pepsi is.
Speaker 1
07:28
I would love to do that. So You know what? I will. You
Speaker 3
07:32
got it! Yeah! Yeah!
Speaker 3
07:36
Woo-hoo! Yeah! Everybody Pepsi! Drink Pepsi!
Speaker 1
07:44
Look... I'm glad that guy exists, but also, screaming, drink Pepsi. You're talking to someone that just played a Pepsi video game to completion. Relax, buddy, I think you got him here.
Speaker 1
07:57
Look, all of this is really just a very long way of asking, what happened, snack brands? Around 25 years ago, you cracked the code of turning commercials, the thing everyone hates, into video games, the thing everyone loves. I don't want to see Quiznos tweeting, when the sandwich isn't toasty or whatever the fuck. I want them to put me in the pilot seat of a 16-bit spaceship, shaped like a hoagie, that fires beef lasers at alien vegans.
Speaker 1
08:22
That's what I want. -♪
Speaker 3
08:23
0000000000000000
Speaker 1
08:24
♪ The point here is, snack foods should tweet less and make games more. Think of the world that we could live in. We could have Orville Redenbach, a space marine.
Speaker 1
08:35
Or Chips Ahoy, but you're grizzled cookie pirates sailing a sea of milk, trying to track down Captain Crunch and nail his severed head to your mast. I'll give you 1 more, just off the top of my head. A fighting game, but the only characters are Spaghetti-O and Chef Boyardee. Like Mortal Kombat, but crucially, no music.
Speaker 1
08:55
No 1 claps. No 1 cheers. An arena full of faces. What's the brutal ballet in silence?
Speaker 1
09:01
This is not entertainment. There's no glory here. There is only what must be done. Bones crack.
Speaker 1
09:07
--LAUGHTER --Pasta splits. There's tomato sauce everywhere. --LAUGHTER --And when 1 mascot lies broken at the victor's feet... --LAUGHTER --that fallen character is permanently dead.
Speaker 1
09:20
The game cannot be played again. This is life. There are no do-overs. I mean, that's just 3 free slam-dunk ideas that any brand can have right now.
Speaker 1
09:32
So companies, log off Twitter and make something interesting, you fucking vampires! That's it from me. I'm gonna go convince my staff to put me in a video game on the grounds that I am at least as entertaining as Chex cereal. Rice Chex, that is, not corn Chex.
Speaker 1
09:49
I could never. Thank
Speaker 3
10:00
you
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