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Speaker 1

00:03

We turn to Japan, the country that gave us Pokemon. And... Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Speaker 1

00:09

It's a Jigglypuff! I've never seen 1 of these in the wild before. Okay, stay calm, stay calm. Quick.

Speaker 1

00:13

Take out a Pokeball and slowly and carefully throw it. You ready? And... Throw!

Speaker 1

00:20

Throw it. Oh, God!

Speaker 2

00:23

Oh, God, you threw it too hard! You killed Jigglypuff! Jigglypuff is dead now!

Speaker 2

00:30

Why did you throw it so hard?!

Speaker 1

00:32

-... Anyway, where was I? Oh, that's right. Japan.

Speaker 1

00:37

There is something amazing happening over there right now. As we've discussed before, Japan is home to thousands of mascots for everything, from museums to prisons to entire towns and cities. You may remember, we loved that idea so much that we actually made our own unofficial mascots for various U.S. Government agencies.

Speaker 1

00:53

Well, it turns out, we're not the only ones who've decided to make some less than official mascots. A rogue mascot is causing a lot of controversy in 1 Japanese city.

Speaker 3

01:03

Oh,

Speaker 4

01:04

man, meet Chiton, the unsanctioned otter mascot that is gaining popularity on social media thanks to its edgy personality. Video of Chiton swinging a weed eater, and you can see him there dancing on a pole. Oh, my

Speaker 3

01:17

goodness. Yes.

Speaker 1

01:18

Yes. Your eyes are not deceiving you. That is video of a Japanese mascot on a stripper pole. Presumably, at a strip club called, there are way more people who are into this sort of thing than you think.

Speaker 1

01:29

But It is my absolute honor tonight to introduce you to Cheetan, and you are gonna be glad that I did. I know that he may look like half a Vienna Finger that took too much ecstasy in the 90s, but Cheetan is, in his own words, a zero-year-old fairy baby who plays around super actively every day. As you can tell, Chitan is a giant otter wearing a turtle as a hat, which is, incidentally, already my favorite sentence of all time. Right next to, welcome to the John Oliver Koala Chlamydia Award.

Speaker 1

01:57

But the story, the story, though, of what's going on with Chitan is a little complicated, but in a nutshell, there's a city in Japan called Susaki. Susaki's official mascot is Shinjo-kun, a magnificent giant otter wearing a ramen dish for a hat. Excellent. Until Recently, the city also had a honorary tourism ambassador, an actual otter named Chetan.

Speaker 1

02:19

As it happens, Chetan the actual otter has a mascot otter, and that is what Chetan is. The point is, there are 3 otters, 2 of which are named Chetan, and the mascot Chetan was never formally affiliated with the city of Susaki. It's that simple. And the unofficial mascot, Chitan, has been producing some bizarre videos.

Speaker 1

02:38

Not just the stripper pole 1, but also this 1 where Chitan flips a car with its bare paws. Now, Susaki reportedly received over a hundred calls from around Japan complaining about Cheetahn's behavior. And earlier this year, the city attempted to distance themselves from it by declining to renew the real Cheetahn as its tourism ambassador. Basically, the city cut ties with the real Otter because of the things the fake Otter did.

Speaker 1

03:04

Which is a real shame, because Cheetah Hunt has been a lot of fun. Its Twitter account is full of crazy shit like this. -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪♪♪ -♪♪♪ -♪♪♪ -♪♪♪ -♪♪♪ -♪♪♪ -♪♪♪ Now, you might be wanting to ask, how does an umbrella-wielding, coked-up otter being assaulted in a windowless room encourage tourism to the small Japanese port city of Susaki? Well, I'm on TV, and I'm talking about the small Japanese port city of Susaki, so that should answer your stupid fucking question.

Speaker 1

03:45

--LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE --The point is, every Cheetahn video is a work of art. Take this 1, for example, titled, With My Friends. -♪ ♪ -♪

Speaker 3

03:55

With my friends -♪ With my friends -♪ With my friends

Speaker 1

03:59

-♪

Speaker 3

04:00

With my friends -♪ With my friends

Speaker 1

04:03

Now, it's understandable to have a lot of questions after watching that, like, what am I watching, who's the karate cat, and why is Cheetah angry with that inflatable pole? But you'll notice that am I bored is not 1 of the questions you're asking there. Violence is actually something of a theme with Cheetah.

Speaker 1

04:18

And here is another video that starts charming and then has a bit of a turn. -♪ ♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ It is a testament to the utter brilliance of that video that I've watched it literally dozens of times, and not once have I given a moment's thought to whether or not that person was okay. And honestly, it doesn't matter, because even if they weren't, it was completely worth it. And as good as these videos are, Cheetah Hunt is somehow even better at Twitter, with a virtuosic deployment of memes.

Speaker 1

04:54

Just look at this. Hello, burp. Hello, Pulitzer Prize for poetry. Here's Another magnificent example.

Speaker 1

05:01

Don't ever talk to my son, or my son's son, or my son's son's son, or my son's son's son's son ever again. Just try saying that without laughing. It's physiologically impossible. Asking me to pick a favorite Cheetah Hunt tweet is like asking me to pick a favorite son.

Speaker 1

05:17

Or sun son. Or sun son. The point is, it'd be difficult, but I would probably have to say this 1, in which Cheetahan, standing next to a small kangaroo, asks, -"Is this a pigeon?" I mean, come on! -$PIGEONS!

Speaker 1

05:29

Clearly, the question is rhetorical. Cheetahan is famously excellent at recognizing burps. When's the last time Twitter made you happy? When's the last time anything made you happy?

Speaker 1

05:40

The problem is, even I will admit that Cheetahan's occasionally gone a bit too far. Like with this video titled, Cheetahan is going to visit your house. -♪ ♪ -♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ I accept, even the most generous interpretation of that is that Cheetah Hun is gonna come to your house and beat you to death with a baseball bat. And I do get why a city might not want that message delivered by a self-appointed unofficial mascot.

Speaker 1

06:17

But I am sorry for Sasaki that he's gone. And I'd also like you to spare a thought for their official mascot, Shinjo-kun, who is also, as we've established, excellent. Not as splashy as Cheetan, sure, but still wears a noodle bowl for a hat, and that's not nothing, is it? Shinjo-kun was clearly overshadowed by an unhinged, psychotic, unsanctioned otter.

Speaker 1

06:37

And while I'm sure that there's an element of relief there for Shinjo-kun, there's also gonna be a massive, cheetah-shaped hole in its life now. The 2 mascots were together a lot. And I have to say, whenever you see Shinjo-kun alone now, the obvious sadness there is absolutely heartbreaking. But what I'm saying here is, it's clear that Shinjo-kun needs a new friend.

Speaker 1

06:57

This time, 1 that won't disappear or threaten the citizens of Sasaki with a baseball bat. Luckily, as we now know, anyone can make an unofficial mascot for a city in Japan. And if you don't already know where this is heading, you've clearly never watched this fucking show before, because of course we made our own mascot. Of course we did.

Speaker 1

07:15

Please meet... Chih-Chon. Chih-Chon is a 41-year-old, nearsighted English fairy baby. Now, ordinarily, when there's a new mascot on this show, I get up from this desk and walk over there to introduce you to him in person.

Speaker 1

07:28

The bad news is, I can't actually introduce you to Chi-Jon in person tonight. The good news is, the reason I can't do that is because he's already in Japan. It's true. Here he is, having the time of his life in Tokyo.

Speaker 1

07:41

And I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking. Oh, okay, I get it, Jon. You just created a mascot to go to Japan and fuck with people.

Speaker 1

07:48

But no, you don't actually get it. You don't get it at all. We made Chi-Jon with the sole intention that he locate and comfort Shinjo-kun, and fill the hole that Chi-Tan left in his heart. And for a sense of whether he was able to do that, he should probably take a look at this.

Speaker 5

08:13

After a long flight, Chi-jon arrived in Tokyo. He'd never seen anything like it, because he'd just got glasses the day before. Tomorrow he'd visit Susaki, but tonight belonged to Tokyo.

Speaker 1

08:35

♪

Speaker 3

08:36

Dare mo dekinai kimi dake no sute

Speaker 1

08:41

♪

Speaker 5

08:42

Violently hungover, Chi-chan got up the next morning. And As he looked through the clouds towards Susaki, he remembered the reason he was here. Shinjyokun.

Speaker 5

08:53

He was 100% sure they were meant to be together, and 40% sure he was looking at Susaki. All the way to the train station, Chijon's heart pounded. Each step was a step closer to his destiny. After a while, he got tired of taking steps and took a rickshaw.

Speaker 5

09:17

Each step of his rickshaw driver was a step closer to his destiny. At last, Sosaki. Shinjyokun was everywhere. On the stairs, on the sidewalk, on the walls, and in the streets.

Speaker 5

09:35

On his way, Qijon introduced himself to all the local fish. This is the path that falls at Shinjuku's feet. This is the breeze that cools Shinjuku's face. This is the sun that warms the noodles that Shinjuku wears as a hat.

Speaker 5

09:55

And knowing this, filled Chijon with joy. The final steps to his destiny were uphill, aren't they always? Finally, Qijian saw Xinjiokun, his new best friend. Xinjiokun didn't know if he was ready for a new best friend.

Speaker 5

10:21

He had had a best friend, Chitan. And it had been a fucking living nightmare. But Chijan seemed different. Less upper body strength for 1 thing.

Speaker 5

10:35

At the local arcade, they used sticks to whack moles, not each other. Though they share an appetite for destruction, destroying something together is an act of creation. Shinjo-kun made Chijon happy. And Chijon wanted Shinjo-kun to have a Shinjo-kun, so Shinjo-kun could be happy too.

Speaker 5

10:55

But Chijon couldn't get Shinjo-kun a Shinjo-kun. And this made them sad. Now, sadness was another thing they shared. Qijiong tried to cheer Xinjiokun up.

Speaker 5

11:10

He put on Xinjiokun's thinking cap. Suddenly, he knew just what to do. Introduce themselves to some local fish. Shinjo-kun taught Chijon how to take 1 stick and make 2 sticks.

Speaker 5

11:24

It was the best day of their lives. Without the sadness at the claw machine, Shinjo-kun never would have felt this joy. And if his old best friend hadn't left, his new best friend never would have come. That's too much soy sauce, Shinjuku said.

Speaker 5

11:43

No, replied Shijon. It's not enough fish. Shinjuku had found his new best friend. A little chaos fulfills the spirit and prepares us for all the claw machines ahead.

Speaker 5

12:02

They saw their path and felt their breeze and saw their sun. Where is our sun going? Cheejon asked. Do not worry, said Shinjo-kun.

Speaker 5

12:16

We'll have our son back tomorrow. And our son's son. And our son's son's son. And our son's son's son's son.

Speaker 1

12:27

-♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ none of us thought this was where our show was going tonight, and yet here we are now. Chijon, and this is true, is still in Japan. The city of Susaki have now officially taken ownership of him.

Speaker 1

12:43

So, if you ever want to see Chijon in the flesh or in the fur, you will simply have to go there. -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪