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Speaker 1

00:00

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Let's talk about Mexico, number 7 on the list of things that Donald Trump is most frightened of, just ahead of Muslims and just behind the concept of self-reflection. -♪ ♪ -♪ Mexico is a nation of 123 million people, give or take a few American spring break douchebags like these 2.

Speaker 2

00:21

Cancun is the hands down best place you can go for spring break, especially being a college kid. Getting tipsy, then getting drunk, and then a little bit of yayo on top of everything.

Speaker 3

00:33

A lot

Speaker 2

00:33

of bit of yayo. If you get tired here, Kenken's the best for that, so...

Speaker 1

00:37

Cool. Now, incidentally, my favorite part of that clip is that in the corner, it promotes something called brain surgery life, which I sincerely hope is just a brain surgeon lobotomizing these 2 bros. But Mexico isn't just a tourist destination. We share a 1,900-mile border, and they're our third largest trading partner, and something massive is about to take place there.

Speaker 4

01:01

It's going to be the biggest election in Mexican history, with positions up for grabs from Mexico City mayor to congressional seats to the top job itself.

Speaker 1

01:11

It's true. Next Sunday, we'll see the biggest election in Mexico's history, which I know probably doesn't mean much to most Americans. It's like saying, the biggest mattress sale in Dutch history, or the biggest mouse penis in Portuguese history.

Speaker 1

01:23

Great. Their mouse is sort of hung. How does this affect me in any way? But what this actually means is that they could replace their president, their entire Congress, and huge chunks of their state and local governments.

Speaker 1

01:34

And many believe a major shift may be about to take place there because Mexicans are sick and tired of the status quo. Their current president's approval rating sunk as low as 12% last year. And it's become very common for people to shout a particular phrase at him.

Speaker 5

01:48

Yo solamente le quiero decir a Peña Nieto que vaya y rechinga a su putisima madre.

Speaker 3

01:52

Enrique Peña Nieto, chinga a tu puta madre. ¡Chinga a tu madre, Peña Nieto! Peña Nieto, chinga a tu madre.

Speaker 3

01:59

¡Chinga a tu puta madre! ¡Chingas a tu madre! Enrique Peña, chingas a tu madre.

Speaker 1

02:07

Wow. Go fuck your mother is something people only shout at you when they are angry. Nobody shouts it because they think you and your mother have great chemistry. That's never happened.

Speaker 1

02:18

So tonight, let's look at why people are so angry at Mexico's current president, Enrique Peña Nieto, and who they are considering to replace him. And if we're honest, most Americans don't really know much about him. For instance, That's not Peña Nieto. That's just what came up when we typed Mexican man into a stock image site.

Speaker 1

02:36

But, as long as he's here, let's give this guy a spin. Look at him go. The man is absolutely leaving it all on the field. No, just so you know, just so you know, this, this is the real Peña Nieto.

Speaker 1

02:52

Although, he is also so handsome, he actually resembles a stock photo model. He was swept into office in 2012 on a wave of hype. He made the cover of Time magazine with the headline, Saving Mexico. And U.S.

Speaker 1

03:03

Coverage of his election was breathless.

Speaker 6

03:06

The dashing 45-year-old former governor is married to a famous Mexican soap opera star. Wherever the couple went, they drew huge crowds, especially women, who despite the fact Peña Nieto was married, couldn't get enough of him, calling him bonbon, which means sweet thing or hottie. The fact he admitted cheating twice on his first wife and burying 2 children out of wedlock before she died of epilepsy didn't seem to phase the adoring crowd.

Speaker 1

03:31

Yeah, All of that is true. And that would be completely unforgivable if he wasn't so violently attractive. How are you gonna stay mad at that?

Speaker 1

03:40

He is visually fucktacular. And... And Peña Nieto's election was dramatic for a number of reasons. His party, the Institutional Revolutionary Party, or PRI, had previously enjoyed a 71-year-long era of one-party rule in Mexico, which only ended in 2000.

Speaker 1

03:55

So, real multi-party democracy is very much a new thing there, and for many, the hope was that Pena Nieto would clean up the party's image and restore it to glory. But to put it mildly, that did not happen. He himself was implicated in a number of serious scandals, and on his watch, not only did corruption not improve, it hit such a fever pitch that visitors to Mexico City could do this.

Speaker 7

04:17

This is the Corrupt Tour, a 90-minute bus ride to the seamier side of Mexican business and politics. On its itinerary, 10 city landmarks where public money has allegedly been diverted for private gain.

Speaker 1

04:31

It's true, There were actually bus tours of Mexico's most appalling landmarks, and I sincerely hope that that tour includes Guillermo del Toro's 2 Oscars for The Shape of Water. Guess what? Guess what?

Speaker 1

04:41

I was rooting for the fish man to die. The fish man was gross, and I didn't enjoy watching him fuck, and anyone who did is weird and wrong. But... The sheer scale of government corruption in Mexico is hard to comprehend.

Speaker 1

04:54

Many, many politicians have close ties to cartels and gangs. At least 14 current or former governors of Mexican states are under investigation for corruption, some of them for colluding with organized crime. Like Javier Duarte. He's the governor of Veracruz.

Speaker 1

05:10

On his watch, the state was bankrupted with nearly 3000000000 dollars missing from official coffers. He's been charged with racketeering and using illegally obtained funds, among other things. And while he denies those charges, it frankly didn't look great that he fled the country in a helicopter, only to be tracked down and arrested. And by the way, what is that smile there?

Speaker 1

05:31

That is not the face a grown man makes after being arrested. That is the face a nine-year-old makes after urinating in a public pool. And this pervasive corruption contributes to a sense of impunity and diminished faith in cops or courts. Violence has spiked in Mexico, with the country on track for 32,000 murders this year, twice as many as in 2014.

Speaker 1

05:54

And yet, only 2 percent of crimes in Mexico get solved, which may explain why these 2 yayo fiends didn't seem to put much effort into their fucking disguises. And for many, the incident that encapsulates all of this frustration, government corruption, violence, and a serious lack of accountability, is what happened on Pena Nieto's watch in 2014.

Speaker 8

06:16

43 students disappeared September 26th after boarding a bus to the town of Iguala to raise money for an upcoming trip. Authorities say the mayor there feared the students would disrupt an event for his wife and had police stop them. The officers opened fire and turned the students over to a drug gang which killed them and burned their bodies.

Speaker 1

06:36

It was horrific, and incredibly, it got worse than that, because there is evidence that the federal police and military were involved in the students' disappearances, but the government did not pursue it. And when you hear all of that, you can sort of understand why so many people want to tell Peña Nieto, chinga tu madre. Now, he is not running for re-election, as Mexico's presidents are limited to 1 term.

Speaker 1

06:59

So who are his potential replacements? Well, there is Jose Antonio Meade, also from the pre-party, but he has no chance, so we're not gonna talk about him. There is also Jaime Rodriguez, an independent candidate and state governor known as El Bronco. He also has no chance, but we're very much going to talk about him, because he is a human wrecking ball.

Speaker 1

07:18

Just watch his idea for stopping government corruption.

Speaker 9

07:21

We need to cut off the hand of anyone who steals in the public service.

Speaker 8

07:25

You're not speaking literally, are you, candidate?

Speaker 9

07:28

Yes, of course.

Speaker 8

07:29

Cut off their hand literally?

Speaker 9

07:30

Literally.

Speaker 8

07:31

Well, explain to me, please.

Speaker 9

07:32

Anyone who steals must have his hand cut off. A bill must be presented so that members of Congress approve this penalty.

Speaker 8

07:38

Cut off the hand of the criminals?

Speaker 9

07:39

Of course.

Speaker 8

07:40

That is what you're going to propose in the Congress?

Speaker 9

07:42

That's right.

Speaker 1

07:43

That moderator gave him 5 separate chances to say that he wasn't being serious, and he just broncoed his way through all 5 of them. And chopping off somebody's hand is a pretty drastic punishment for political corruption, although a perfect way to eliminate contestants from my new reality competition show, America's Next Top Sock Puppeteer. I'm sorry, Flopsy Bunny just didn't wow us.

Speaker 1

08:05

Anthony, please place your hand on the chopping block. But that is not El Bronco's boldest position, because he also has a firm and unwavering hatred of Santa Claus.

Speaker 9

08:18

I don't believe in Santa Claus. Do you believe in Santa Claus? How many believe in Santa Claus?

Speaker 9

08:26

Look, just 3.

Speaker 1

08:27

-♪♪

Speaker 9

08:30

Santa Claus is bad.

Speaker 1

08:32

It's true. El Bronco hates Santa. And if you think we are cherry-picking just 1 example of virulent anti-Santa-ism, think again.

Speaker 7

08:41

When did you tell your kids there was no Santa Claus?

Speaker 9

08:44

Every day. Every day? Yeah.

Speaker 1

08:48

He tells his children every day that Santa is not real. That is harsh.

Speaker 3

08:54

That is so harsh. Ho-ho! Well, hold on.

Speaker 3

08:58

Who's that? Who's that? Ho-ho-ho! Hello,

Speaker 10

09:04

boys and girls. It's me, Santa. Sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 10

09:09

Santa, I

Speaker 3

09:09

can't believe you're here! This is fantastic!

Speaker 10

09:12

Oh, yes. I just wanted to tell Mexican presidential candidate El Branco that I do exist. I bring magic to children all over the world, so that El Branco is on my naughty list.

Speaker 10

09:26

Ha ha ha

Speaker 3

09:27

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Speaker 10

09:28

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to the North Pole.

Speaker 1

09:32

Ooh, ooh, ooh, actually, Santa, I've always wondered, what do you do up there all year when you're not delivering presents?

Speaker 10

09:39

Why, I masturbate, dear boy. I masturbate all day and night. I masturbate and masturbate until my sack full of presents is empty, if you catch my meaning.

Speaker 1

09:54

Why would you say that, Santa?

Speaker 10

09:56

Every day is Christmas for Santa when he masturbates. I even do it sometimes when I'm flying on my big red sleigh. I try not to get any on the reindeer, but even Santa's not perfect.

Speaker 3

10:10

Ha ha ha ha ho!

Speaker 1

10:12

This is so different than what I thought meeting you would be like, Santa.

Speaker 10

10:16

Yeah, yeah, no, no, I get that a lot. I'm not sure why. I mean, look at me.

Speaker 10

10:22

I'm very weird. And I love to stroke it till it looks like a candy cane!

Speaker 3

10:28

Please leave! Please leave, Santa! Just big and long!

Speaker 3

10:31

Please leave! Leave a hook on the cane! Please! Just leave, Santa!

Speaker 3

10:34

Leave!

Speaker 1

10:36

Never meet your heroes. Ever. Look, the point is, the point is, El Bronco is not going to be the next Mexican president.

Speaker 1

10:46

The candidate currently polling second is this guy, Ricardo Anaya, a 39-year-old center-right wonk. He is known for delivering 20-minute policy presentations that are somehow even more explanory than the ones on this show.

Speaker 11

10:59

The yellow line shows the behavior of manufacturing employment in the United States. Now, as you can clearly see, it remained steady despite NAFTA.

Speaker 1

11:13

Right. I mean, Yeah, on 1 hand, that was extremely boring, but at least we now know what it would look like if Pitbull went to grad school. Now, clearly, this guy is a bit of a nerd, although he does desperately try to be cool, because he plays a bunch of musical instruments. He plays guitar, he plays ukulele, he plays keyboard, and the coolest instrument of all, the recorder.

Speaker 1

11:33

-♪

Speaker 3

11:33

Whistling a recorder tune ♪ -♪ Whistling a recorder tune ♪ -♪ Whistling a recorder tune

Speaker 1

11:38

♪ -♪

Speaker 3

11:38

Whistling a recorder tune

Speaker 1

11:39

♪ That is simply pathetic. And it is not just me saying that. In Mexico, that clip has unleashed what's been called a tsunami of memes.

Speaker 1

11:49

Including videos where people swap in different songs, like this version of Britney Spears' Toxic. ♪ -♪ -♪ -♪ Muy bien, México. Muy, muy bien. Now, Anaya did try and toughen his image up during the campaign, but he struggled to stick the landing, like when he released this video ahead of a debate.

Speaker 1

12:19

-♪ ♪ -♪ -♪ ♪ -♪

Speaker 3

12:26

What are you doing? Because hitting that

Speaker 1

12:30

speed bag is genuinely impressive, but you then ruined it with that weird smile at the end. It's like someone successfully pulling the cloth from underneath a table setting, and then immediately pissing their pants. You were so close, you fucking ruined it, though.

Speaker 1

12:45

But the outright frontrunner, and the man widely expected to win this election, is Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, a populist who often goes by his initials, AMLO. He served as mayor of Mexico City, building a reputation as a man of the people, famously commuting to work in a Nissan Sentra, the vehicle rated, meh, by JD Power and Associates. This is actually AMLO's third time running for president. He lost in 2006 and 2012, not taking that first loss particularly well, because not only did he refuse to accept the results, he held a gigantic alternative inauguration ceremony in Mexico City, in which he was sworn in with a fake sash and declared himself the legitimate president of Mexico.

Speaker 1

13:25

His supporters occupied the city's central square for months, and that is ridiculous. When Al Gore lost the 2000 election, he didn't hold a fake inauguration. He just told us we were all gonna die, and it was our fault. It was just called basic good sportsmanship.

Speaker 1

13:42

Now look, AMLO's campaign has caught fire this time around because he has tapped into populist anger. He's promised to help the poor and eradicate corruption, and he often rails against the elites and the mafia in power.

Speaker 5

13:54

No vayan a pensar que somos iguales que los políticos corruptos. Solo decirles que llevo más de 40 años luchando por los pobres. Y hasta que muera, voy a seguir luchando por la gente humilde,

Speaker 3

14:11

por la

Speaker 12

14:11

gente necesitada. I just want to tell you that I've been fighting for the poor for more than 40 years. And until I die, I will

Speaker 5

14:11

keep fighting for the humble people, for the needy people.

Speaker 1

14:12

Look, that sounds great. And You can kind of see the appeal there. Amlo is kind of like Bernie Sanders, but with a better haircut and significantly better Spanish.

Speaker 8

14:22

Washington rescato, a Goldman Sachs y a Wall Street de su bancarrota. -♪ BANCA ROTA

Speaker 1

14:29

♪ -♪ BANCA ROTA ♪ I honestly think he could have carried 100% of the Hispanic vote if his slogan had been, vote for me and I will never speak Spanish again. Now, AMLO's goals may be clear, but the details of how he plans to achieve them can be pretty sketchy. His opponents have attacked him as a dangerous leftist, but journalists who've covered him say it's hard to judge things based on his policy platforms because they're prone to change, often seemingly overnight.

Speaker 1

14:55

And that he often makes big promises while keeping his own advisors guessing as to what he really means. So in that way, he's actually more reminiscent of a Mexican Donald Trump, which I know is a weird image to conjure up, like orthodox Hitler or jacked Gandhi. The 2 concepts don't fit well together. But the lack of Concrete policy hasn't dampened the excitement around AMLO, whose supporters have made some pretty striking ads.

Speaker 13

15:21

I'm here to remind you of the corrupt politicians who have ruled our country, who have made Mexico a factory of the poor. They have killed our children. The tiger is not afraid, gentlemen.

Speaker 13

15:34

And we have awakened.

Speaker 1

15:35

-♪

Speaker 3

15:36

RUMBLE AND EXPLOSION

Speaker 1

15:36

♪

Speaker 3

15:37

-Holy shit! That is the

Speaker 1

15:39

most terrifying tiger I've seen since the episode of Winnie the Pooh where Tigger ate Eeyore. And Was that really a surprise? They're wild animals, Christopher Robin.

Speaker 1

15:48

You can't just keep them in your backyard. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Not a tragedy. That was inevitable.

Speaker 1

15:54

But that ad actually becomes less fun when you learn that it was made by the Social Encounter Party, an evangelical Christian party that opposes same-sex marriage, homosexuality, and abortion. That party is in AMLO's coalition, which kind of speaks to the fact that by being so vague, he can let people see what they want to see in him. So sure, a Christian Conservative Party can think that he's on their side, as can the presumably much more liberal people behind this ad, which pitches AMLO as an aphrodisiac. -♪♪♪

Speaker 3

16:25

No, espera, espera, espera.

Speaker 1

16:27

-♪♪♪

Speaker 3

16:35

¿Todo bien? Es que... Es que voy a votar por Andrés Manuel.

Speaker 3

16:46

I'm fine. I'm fine too. Are you serious? Yes.

Speaker 3

16:54

Oh my God!

Speaker 1

16:57

That is the most sexually explicit campaign ad since Theodore Roosevelt's famous slogan of Teddy will make you cum. The point here is, while the hope in AMLO is real, the content is a question mark. And it says something about how entrenched the problems in Mexico are, and the level of people's dissatisfaction that they seem so willing to take a gamble on him.

Speaker 1

17:18

And look, for much of this piece, we've talked about the problems in Mexico, of which there are many. But, that is what makes it all the more impressive that people are putting their lives on the line to solve them. There are journalists tackling corruption, despite the fact that Mexico is the third deadliest country in the world for them to work after Iraq and Syria. And there are honest politicians running for office, even though 120 politicians, including 44 candidates, have been killed during this campaign.

Speaker 1

17:46

In the town of Piedras Negras, an anti-cartel congressional candidate was murdered just earlier this month. But the mayor there is refusing to hide.

Speaker 2

17:55

We reached the current mayor of Piedras Negras, Sonia Villarreal, who

Speaker 8

17:59

says her life was threatened just yesterday.

Speaker 2

18:01

No tienes temor, dice. You're not fearing them.

Speaker 8

18:05

No. Wow.

Speaker 5

18:07

¿Y por qué?

Speaker 3

18:08

No. Mi lucha es contra la delincuencia organizada. O sea, no voy a parar ahí. You won't stop.

Speaker 3

18:13

Y así me amenazan, no voy a parar.

Speaker 2

18:15

Even if it means risking your life? Doesn't matter.

Speaker 1

18:19

I mean, that is just amazing. And for the record, for the record, I am not that brave. I am not that brave at all.

Speaker 1

18:28

Sure, I'll shit talk the drug cartels from the safety of New York. This, for instance, is the actual head of the Sinaloa cartel, and I'll happily say that he looks like Andy Garcia won a pizza eating contest, because fuck that guy. Fuck him. I'm not scared of him, but I wouldn't have

Speaker 3

18:47

the courage to say that in Mexico, and I wouldn't even

Speaker 1

18:47

have the courage to say it here. That's not the head of the Sinaloa cartel. That's another stock photo.

Speaker 1

18:52

Do you think I'm fucking crazy?

Speaker 3

18:55

Do you think I'm insane? I'm a coward.

Speaker 1

19:00

The point here is, Mexico is on the verge of the biggest election in their history, with a chance to combat endemic corruption that has betrayed its people for far too long. And I sincerely hope the candidates they choose at every level are worthy of the trust that's about to be placed in them, because it's gonna take brave, bold work to give that country the change it needs. Santa Claus is not coming to save Mexico.

Speaker 1

19:23

As we learned tonight, that man is very busy. -♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho! ♪ -Oh, please, no. Not

Speaker 10

19:29

again. Oh,

Speaker 3

19:30

yes, I am!

Speaker 1

19:31

No, Santa, don't do this, Santa, please.

Speaker 10

19:34

Don't do what? Vividly describe how I bring myself to climax 364 days out of the year? Why I tinker in my toy shop, John.

Speaker 10

19:44

I fill my stocking. I polish the North Pole. The elves taught me yoga and now I can blow myself.

Speaker 3

19:53

No, Santa, no, Santa, no, no, no! You