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Speaker 1

00:00

-♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ Yesterday marked the 50th anniversary of the first Selma march, 1 of the pivotal moments which led to the Voting Rights Act. But voting rights in this country, much like John Travolta's hair, are still very much a work in progress. There are the obvious obstacles for many Americans, such as increasingly restrictive voter ID laws, but there's also the less obvious ones, as Congress was reminded just this week.

Speaker 2

00:27

As we commemorate the 50th anniversary of the march on Selma this week, and the subsequent passage of the Voting Rights Act, I want to once again call to the attention of my colleagues here in Congress that there are still American citizens today who do not have equal voting rights. These are citizens of American's island territories, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, and the Northern Marianas.

Speaker 1

00:52

Yes, American citizens living in U.S. Island territories do not get to vote for president. And that's the kind of unsettling fact that deep down you probably knew, but chose not to think about.

Speaker 1

01:02

Like the fact that the dog from Full House is definitely dead by now. That kind of thing. But more than... You're proving my point.

Speaker 1

01:12

More than 4000000 people live in the U.S. Territories. More than 98% of them are racial or ethnic minorities. And the more you look into the history of why their voting rights are restricted, the harder it is to justify.

Speaker 1

01:24

Because it goes all the way back to when America first acquired them.

Speaker 3

01:28

The United States flag is flying over these lands. And so some people said, well, doesn't that mean American laws apply? In 1901, the Insular Cases.

Speaker 3

01:37

Basically, the judgment of the Supreme Court was that the new territories were inhabited by, quote, alien races. And they may not be able to understand Anglo-Saxon laws. Therefore, the Constitution doesn't have to apply.

Speaker 1

01:53

Wow. Alien races can't understand Anglo-Saxon principles. I find that condescending, and I'm British. We basically invented patronizing bigotry.

Speaker 1

02:05

I do so wish we could explain the concept of voting to them, but deary me, their savage little coconut brains would probably just collapse. I'm assuming it's coconut milk in there. We'll soon see. Wacky stick!

Speaker 1

02:17

Look, the point is, if that has not set off some alarm bells for you, the man who wrote the lead decision in the first of those rulings was Justice Henry Billings Brown, who, fun fact, also wrote the famous Separate But Equal decision in Plessy versus Ferguson. And even he suggested these exceptions to the Constitution should only stand for a time, as in a temporary arrangement. But it's been 114 years. It's like for over a century, America's computer has been saying, an update to your country is available, and we've been clicking, remind me later, again and again and again.

Speaker 1

02:55

So tonight, let's look at voting rights in the territories, and we'll begin in Puerto Rico, whose citizens are Americans. A fact that comes as a surprise to a shocking number of people, as we learned when Sonia Sotomayor was named to the Supreme Court.

Speaker 4

03:11

Sotomayor, a Bronx native, is the daughter of Puerto Rican immigrants.

Speaker 5

03:14

She was a first generation American, the daughter of Puerto Rican immigrants. The daughter of Puerto Rican immigrants.

Speaker 1

03:19

She is the daughter of Puerto Rican immigrants.

Speaker 4

03:22

She's the daughter of Puerto Rican immigrants.

Speaker 1

03:24

No, she isn't. She's the daughter of Americans who moved from Puerto Rico. If Puerto Ricans are immigrants, anyone who moves anywhere is an immigrant.

Speaker 1

03:35

Hey, bro, could you help me immigrate apartments on Saturday? I need to immigrate a couch up 2 flights of stairs. Puerto Rico has more American citizens than 21 U.S. States, but less voting rights than any of them.

Speaker 1

03:49

And whether or not they choose to become a state, it's a little weird that while they're making that decision, they have a delegate in Congress who can't do much.

Speaker 6

03:58

My constituents cherish their U.S. Citizenship and have made countless contributions to this country. Yet, they cannot vote for president, have no U.S.

Speaker 6

04:08

Senators, and send 1 delegate to the House who has a voice, but no vote in this chamber.

Speaker 1

04:17

It's pretty infantilizing when discussing national legislation to give Puerto Rico the same status as a six-year-old voting on where the family should get to go on vacation. Oh, what's that, Timmy? Narnia?

Speaker 1

04:28

Okay, Colonial Williamsburg it is, then. -♪ ♪ -♪ ♪ And that you were heard, Timmy, you were heard. And the same voting rights restrictions apply to the residents of Guam, the Pacific Territory that unequivocally sounds the most like a Batman punch. -♪♪ -♪♪ There is...

Speaker 1

04:51

There is nothing not to love about Guam. It is a beautiful island in a strategically important location for the U.S. Military. So much so, their bases currently occupy over a quarter of Guam's land.

Speaker 1

05:03

And yet, the residents of Guam have absolutely no say in general elections for their commander-in-chief, which is even harder to swallow when you consider this.

Speaker 5

05:13

According to Guam's Office of Veterans Affairs, at least 1 in 8 adult Guamanians is a veteran, among the highest percentages of all U.S. States and territories.

Speaker 1

05:23

Guam gives a quarter of its land, and as much as an eighth of its people, to the U.S. Military. At this point, the American flag should really just be a guy from Guam waving an American flag.

Speaker 1

05:34

And yet, due in part to their lack of full voting rights, those veterans are shamefully underserved.

Speaker 5

05:41

In 2012, Guam ranked dead last in per capita spending on medical care by the US Department of Veterans Affairs, or the VA.

Speaker 4

05:49

It's called the PTSD program locator, so it tells me here to enter my address. 5 options here, but the closest 1 so far looks like Hawaii. It's, 3,800...

Speaker 4

06:07

3 miles... Point 22 miles.

Speaker 1

06:11

That is disgusting. The only person who should have to travel 3,800 miles for treatment, should be a Beverly Hills housewife flying to Columbia for unapproved lip injections derived from cobra venom. But the amazing thing is, just because Guam residents aren't allowed to vote for president, doesn't mean that they don't.

Speaker 1

06:30

Guam holds a straw poll every presidential election, and their registered voter turnout is actually higher than that of the rest of America. And to misquote the words of the great philosopher, Lil Jon, turnout for what? -♪ Turnout

Speaker 4

06:43

for what?

Speaker 1

06:43

♪ -♪

Speaker 4

06:44

Turnout for what? ♪ -♪ Turnout for what? ♪ -♪ Turnout for what?

Speaker 1

06:49

♪ -♪

Speaker 4

06:49

Turnout for what? ♪ -♪ Turnout for what?

Speaker 1

06:51

♪ That's a great song. But just... Just imagine how it must feel to have the desire to vote, but know deep down you're going to be ignored.

Speaker 1

07:02

Actually, you don't have to imagine it, because let this Guam voter tell you.

Speaker 4

07:06

It's... Terrible. I mean, I... I believe it's not fair, you know.

Speaker 4

07:12

We're all citizens of the United States. I wish somebody changed that.

Speaker 1

07:18

Okay, that sounds sad, but at least on election day, that woman gets to wear the incredibly special I voted and wish it had actually counted sticker. Look, amazingly, Guam still gets more respect from the U.S. Government than American Samoa, as was proven a little while back when a U.S.

Speaker 1

07:34

Member of Congress was tasked with introducing their delegate, Eni Falliamavega.

Speaker 4

07:39

The chair recognizes the gentleman from American... Samoalia, Mr.... -...Falumabenga.

Speaker 4

07:47

-...Falumabenga.

Speaker 1

07:49

-...Falumabenga. -...Falumabenga. Samoalia? Listen, I get his name is a little difficult, but you cannot mispronounce American Samoa.

Speaker 1

07:58

There's a fucking Girl Scout cookie named after it. Think about this 1. Would you forget the name of the state of Thin Mnissipi? No, that would be ridiculous.

Speaker 1

08:11

But watch how gracious American Somalia's delegate was in his response.

Speaker 4

08:17

Thank you, Mr. Speaker. It's American Samoan.

Speaker 1

08:21

That is class that I do not have. Because if I were him, I'd have responded, thank you, it is a privilege to be here in Waffleton, D.P. In the great United Sporks of Amoogaboink.

Speaker 1

08:32

-♪ ♪ -♪ American Samoans not only lack voting rights, they lack a little something extra, too.

Speaker 4

08:42

The U.S. Constitution grants citizenship to everyone born on U.S. Soil, except in 1 jurisdiction.

Speaker 7

08:49

American Samoa, in the South Pacific. It is a U.S. Territory, but people who are born there do not automatically get U.S.

Speaker 7

08:57

Citizenship.

Speaker 1

08:59

They don't even get automatic citizenship, meaning the American part of American Samoa. It's really just a title that doesn't mean anything. Like People's Choice Award nominee or social media expert.

Speaker 1

09:10

Just devoid of meaning. And that fact is especially shocking when you learn that American Samoa, a territory that cannot vote for a president who could send it to war, is also home to the top army recruiting station in the country. So now, I'm thinking the American flag should be a guy from American Samoa waving a flag with a guy from Guam on it waving the American flag. And because of their status as non-citizens, many veterans have to carry around a humiliating reminder that they are not equal in the eyes of the law.

Speaker 4

09:45

So this here is my, U.S. National passport. The very last page of the passport makes it uniquely a U.S.

Speaker 4

09:57

National passport. It makes me look like I'm an outsider. I think it... Demeans me as a person, I think.

Speaker 1

10:06

That's right. They're not citizens, but nationals. Which means they can't run for president, serve on a federal jury, or, depending on where they live, even become a public school teacher.

Speaker 1

10:16

So they're kind of like off-brand citizens. They're Americans in the same way that these are Froot Loops, or this is Dr. Pepper. You can pretend it's the same thing, everyone knows it's worse.

Speaker 1

10:28

5 American Samoans are actually suing the government to change this rule. But the Obama administration has fought them by citing the insular cases from earlier, which suggest that American Samoans, like all residents of the territories, can be given fewer rights because they belong to alien races differing from us in customs and modes of thought. And that's a tricky argument to win in the face of this kind of evidence.

Speaker 6

10:53

Where are you from?

Speaker 8

10:54

I'm originally from American Samoa. But...

Speaker 4

10:58

And what

Speaker 6

10:58

do you do for a living?

Speaker 8

11:00

I'm a soldier in the U.S. Army. I joined straight out of high school and it was something to serve my country and to give back I'm Active service.

Speaker 8

11:08

We just got back from deployment to Afghanistan for 9 months

Speaker 4

11:23

And it takes me all the way I said I want you to stay 000I want you to stay ♪ I'm saying I...

Speaker 1

11:36

♪ -♪

Speaker 4

11:36

I want you to stay...

Speaker 1

11:37

♪ -♪

Speaker 4

11:37

I want you to stay... ♪ -♪ I want you to stay...

Speaker 1

11:40

♪ -♪

Speaker 4

11:41

I want you to stay...

Speaker 1

11:42

♪ Just to be clear, that is an Afghanistan war veteran moving an audience to cheers and at least 1 judge to a partial orgasm. With a rendition of a Rihanna song on a show called America's Got Talent. If that's not an American, I don't think 1 has ever existed.

Speaker 1

11:59

And look, Look, there are a lot of complicated issues surrounding what the precise status of all the U.S. Territories should be and what the people who live there would prefer. But surely, when it comes to denying Americans the right to vote, we have to find a better reason than citing a 100-year-old legal decision written by a racist that was always supposed to be temporary. And I'm not saying this will be an easy thing to do, I'm just saying we've figured out a lot more complicated things in the last 114 years.

Speaker 1

12:31

Think about it, we invented television. We eliminated the measles and then, for some fucking reason, brought them back again. We've held 30 WrestleMania's, and those things are logistical nightmares. And you know what else we figured out?

Speaker 1

12:44

How to fucking fly. And if we can work out how to climb inside metal birds, slip the bonds of this Earth, and soar through the air to visit these territories, we should be able to work out how to ensure the 4000000 people who live there get adequately hurt. Good.