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Speaker 1

00:00

♪♪ For our main story tonight, I'd actually like to talk about how the president spent the first half of his week. Because for some reason, in the midst of 40 million Americans unemployed, 100,000 Americans dead, and racial tensions boiling over, he chose to spend his days focusing on this.

Speaker 2

00:20

President Trump overnight taking to Twitter to take on Twitter, along with other social media giants, for what he calls political bias. It comes after Twitter, for the first time, added a fact-check footnote on 2 of his tweets that called mail-in ballots substantially fraudulent.

Speaker 1

00:36

Yeah, Twitter fact-checked the president's tweets. They're also apparently fact-checking other tweets as well, but clearly not all of them because we just tweeted, Luke is the best Hemsworth, And so far, that has not been flagged as a damaging lie. And come on, Twitter, either your system works or it doesn't.

Speaker 1

00:51

It is a known fact that the order goes, Chris Hemsworth, Liam Hemsworth, no Hemsworths, then Luke. But it is worth taking a look at the underlying statement that caused Twitter to act. Trump's claim that voting by mail in this year's elections will be substantially fraudulent, because that is a favorite subject of his. He's tweeted about it a ridiculous number of times in the last 2 months, and he brings it up constantly.

Speaker 3

01:15

Mail ballots are a very dangerous thing for this country because they're cheaters. They go and collect them, they're fraudulent in many cases. The mail ballots are corrupt, in my opinion.

Speaker 3

01:25

And they collect them, and they get people to go in and sign them, and then they're forgeries in many cases. It's a horrible thing.

Speaker 1

01:32

Now, what he just said there was complete bullshit and actively harmful to the democratic process, but in a weird way. It's almost comforting to hear him busting out his classic 2016 hits about voter fraud and rigged elections. It brings you back to a simpler time, doesn't it?

Speaker 1

01:46

When we could go to restaurants freely, we had no idea what Zoom was, and we were sure that an obviously unqualified presidential candidate was gonna lose in the historic landslide. Oh, 2016, you truly were the good old, only less horrifying in context days. And the thing is, voting by mail is a popular idea. 70 percent of us are in favor of allowing any voter to vote by mail if they want to.

Speaker 1

02:10

And if this pandemic continues into the fall, as it almost certainly will, many voters will want to do exactly that. Because think about it, holding an in-person election during a pandemic is an absolute nightmare. Elections usually involve hundreds of people cycling in and out of a single enclosed location, plus polling places are often located in communal buildings like schools and nursing homes, and many of those are out of the question right now. Even keeping poll workers safe can be difficult because according to 1 estimate, while the typical voter may encounter only about 20 other people when they go to the polls, the typical poll worker will encounter about 700, and many are understandably concerned about that.

Speaker 4

02:49

I never thought I'd say this in my time, but this really scares me, this kind of thing. I never thought I'd see it.

Speaker 5

02:54

For McGee and a majority of poll workers, they're retired in their 60s or 70s, and health experts say this age group is among some of the most vulnerable to the virus.

Speaker 4

03:02

Even if we have a line of 10 people, how are we gonna keep everybody, you know, safe from the germs? We have a touch screen. We'll have to wipe that down every time.

Speaker 4

03:12

Are we supposed to have people bring their own pencil?

Speaker 1

03:15

No, of course not. And not just because they shouldn't have to, but also, who the hell owns a fully functioning pencil? I mean, sure, you might have 1 with a usable eraser, but an unusable tip.

Speaker 1

03:25

Or maybe you have 1 with a sharpened tip, but the eraser's gone. Or maybe you've got 1 with a functioning tip, but the eraser's all hard and leaves like a brown streak on the paper. And yeah, you could sharpen any of these pencils, but with what? A pencil sharpener?

Speaker 1

03:39

You don't own 1 of those. Or unless you do, in which case, just answer me this. Where is it? Exactly.

Speaker 1

03:45

If you think you're in any way prepared to bring a working pencil to a polling station, then you, my friend, are living in a fucking fantasy world. Now, that woman actually decided not to work her state's primary out of fear for her safety, and many voters share her concerns. But Not all state officials are addressing those concerns especially well. Just listen to Missouri's governor, Mike Parson, offer advice ahead of next week's local elections there.

Speaker 6

04:09

You know, I hope people feel safe, but, to go out and vote. But if they don't, you know, the number 1 thing is their safety should be number 1. So, if they don't, then, then don't go out and vote.

Speaker 6

04:21

You know, I don't know if I've ever heard myself say that, but, you know, if you didn't feel safe, then I wouldn't do that.

Speaker 1

04:27

Well, hold on there. Voting is a right. It has to be easy to understand and accessible to everyone, unlike, say, HBO Max.

Speaker 1

04:36

What the fuck is that, by the way? Does anyone actually know? How do I get it? I'm on it and I don't know.

Speaker 1

04:42

And why is it so purple? It's like I'm watching television from inside Grimace's asshole, And not in a good way. Now, there are a lot of ways to mitigate the dangers here, but perhaps the biggest is expanding the option to vote by mail. You know, the thing that Trump lies about so often, Twitter finally decided to step in.

Speaker 1

05:00

So tonight, let's take a look at why the option of voting by mail is so necessary, why concerns about it are often overblown, and why talking about it right now is actually really important. And let's start with the fact that we actually have a pretty good lesson for just how badly an election during a pandemic can be bungled, thanks to Wisconsin. They held their primary just last month, and it was absolute chaos, partly because their Democratic governor had tried to delay it, only to be thwarted by the Republican-controlled state legislature and Supreme Court. And the Republican Assembly Speaker, Robin Vos, tried to reassure people that everything was safe while volunteering as a polling place.

Speaker 1

05:36

But something about how he delivered that message was a little unconvincing.

Speaker 7

05:40

You think voting in person is putting people at risk today? I don't. I mean, I look at this and say to myself, we have every single opportunity to be safe.

Speaker 1

05:48

Do you, Robin? Do you? Because you're sending 2 very different messages there.

Speaker 1

05:53

Your mouth is saying, don't worry, everything's safe and cool. But it's being slightly undercut by the fact your dress code is Chernobyl casual. And unsurprisingly, many didn't buy his assurances. Due to safety concerns, there was a massive reduction of polling sites in some big cities, with Milwaukee's 180 polling sites being reduced down to just 5, resulting in massive lines.

Speaker 1

06:15

And adding to the chaos was the fact a record number of mail ballots were requested, hundreds of which never arrived or arrived late. All of which resulted in sites like this immuno-compromised woman casting her ballot while wearing a garbage bag. And no 1 should have to wear a garbage bag because they're trying to vote. You should only have to wear 1 because you're trying to shed excess water weight so you look extra jacked.

Speaker 1

06:37

Oh, yeah, I haven't stopped my pump routine just because of the lockdown. I still catch the diesel express every day. The sun don't shine before this swole eclipse runs its course, you might as well put me in a tortilla with some salsa and lime, because my beef is shredded. And look, having been put into this position, you can kind of understand why the voters in Wisconsin were so pissed.

Speaker 4

07:00

This is so wrong. This is just so wrong. This election should have been called off.

Speaker 4

07:05

You know, they're telling us to stay in the house, and, you know, stand 6 feet from each other, but then, 1 of the most important times, they're forcing us to come out here in a group. Stop playing politics with our lives.

Speaker 1

07:19

Yeah, that must have been frustrating, because you can't pretend coronavirus has stopped for a day in order to hold an election. It doesn't give a fuck about democracy. It's just 1 of the many ways that COVID-19 is the Donald Trump of infectious diseases.

Speaker 1

07:33

It's also, of course, weirdly shaped and disproportionately harmful to minorities. And remember, that was just a primary. November's general election will have a much higher turnout. So, How do we prevent what happened in Wisconsin from happening 50 times over?

Speaker 1

07:48

Well, 1 obvious answer is to make it easier to vote by mail, but some argue that that's a dangerously radical proposition.

Speaker 8

07:56

Everyone's afraid, everyone's rethinking how we do things, should we do it a new way? And that's okay, We should be open-minded. Why haven't we had mail-in ballots for the last 230 years?

Speaker 8

08:08

Maybe the reason is mail-in ballots are an invitation to widespread fraud and manipulation. And if you want to rattle people's faith in the system that we've had for centuries, maybe you would do that. I don't know.

Speaker 1

08:20

Oh, I'm sorry. You don't know? Oh, well, first off, Tucker, thanks so much for admitting that.

Speaker 1

08:24

1 of the biggest problems with modern discourse is that people think admitting a lack of knowledge is a sign of weakness, when It's not, is it? It's how we learn and grow as individuals. So it's really heartening to see someone in your position admit that they don't have all the facts. Facts like, for instance, that we've had voting by mail since the Civil War, and that 1 in 4 Americans actually cast a mail ballot in the last 2 federal elections.

Speaker 1

08:45

So your premise that voting by mail is a new idea that would shatter democracy is in fact completely wrong and deeply stupid. That's not a reflection on you though, is it? You just engaged in a dialogue in good faith, so thank you. Unless you weren't doing that, in which case, go fuck yourself, you human boat shoe.

Speaker 1

09:01

So clearly, the question isn't, should we have voting by mail at all, because we already do. It's, how hard should we make it? And depending on where you live, the answer to that question can vary widely. For instance, if you live in these 5 states, congratulations, you already have universal, all-mail voting where a ballot is automatically sent to every eligible voter.

Speaker 1

09:23

Now, if you live in these 29 states, you can request an absentee ballot for any reason. If you live in these 16 states, you do have to provide a reason to vote absentee, and while these 11 have, at least in some cases, allowed the fear of coronavirus to be a valid 1, these 5 states have not. Also, almost no states have decided whether or not it'll be a valid excuse for the general election this November. And that's not even getting into some of the other restrictions that states have put in place, the most ridiculous of which is Alabama, where to vote absentee, you have to submit a photocopy of your photo ID, in addition to signing it before a notary or 2 witnesses.

Speaker 1

10:02

And the argument for putting limits on voting by mail is that if you don't do that, people will just cheat.

Speaker 9

10:09

Think about the voter registration records in states that have not been purged. By that I mean, dead people have not been removed. You can request an absentee ballot in that name, have it mailed to a different address saying you moved, but you know the person's dead, and then say you're back at the old address and go and vote.

Speaker 1

10:32

Okay. Now, while that might sound plausible to you at first, just think how many steps you'd have to take to successfully make that happen. First, you have to know a dead person. That's hard to do.

Speaker 1

10:43

They're antisocial. Then, You have to know that they were registered to vote when they were alive. Then, you have to fill out a form to request an absentee ballot be mailed to your address instead of theirs. Now, to do that, you'd likely have to redo their entire voter registration, which would require you to know personal information like their address, date of birth, the last 4 digits of their social security, and possibly their driver's license number and date when it was issued.

Speaker 1

11:03

But okay, let's say that you do all of this and you get their ballot in the mail. You might also have to know what the dead person's signature looks like to convincingly forge it because it could be compared to their signature already on file. And you would better hope that the notification of their death never reaches the elections office through any of the routes that it could, as despite what Judge Jeanine would have you believe, voter rolls go through periodic list maintenance, including cross-checking Social Security death records. And having done all of this, And remember, told authorities where you live.

Speaker 1

11:32

If you're caught, you're risking several felonies, which in many states involve prison time, or to gain the grand total of 1 vote. It is a crime that's difficult, high risk, and low reward. It's as if at the end of Ocean's 8, we learned that Sandra Bullock had gone to all the trouble of breaking into the Met Gala to steal a map of state quarters. Sandra, why?

Speaker 1

11:52

That's $12.50 worth of quarters. That's a complete waste of your time, Cate Blanchett's time, and most importantly, Rihanna's time. And look, fraud can happen in mail-in voting. Opponents love to cite a 2005 bipartisan report that said, absentee ballots remain the largest source of potential voter fraud.

Speaker 1

12:13

But what they don't mention is, that in practice, it's still incredibly rare. In Oregon in 2016, out of the more than 2000000 votes cast by mail, there were just 54 cases of suspected voter fraud. That is 0.002 percent. And to hear Oregon's former Secretary of State tell it, there's a pretty good explanation for that.

Speaker 10

12:34

The vast majority of Oregonians are, don't care about politics to the level that they're willing to risk prison time for it.

Speaker 1

12:44

Yeah, Of course they don't. The only vote Oregonians would risk prison over would be a vote to get Portland trailblazer Damien Lillard into the MVP conversation. You know what?

Speaker 1

12:53

They'd be right to do that. Dame dollar for life. And look, I am not saying that voting by mail is perfect. Mailed ballots are rejected at a higher rate than those cast in person, and it doesn't work for all communities.

Speaker 1

13:05

Some people with disabilities need to go to an in-person voting place to help casting a ballot, and places like Native American reservations and remote Alaskan villages may have unreliable postal service. Plus, if you vote by mail, you probably don't get 1 of those I Voted stickers, which, if you live in Louisiana, means you might not have got this actual sticker featuring a truly excellent pelican. Look at this absolute king. It's hard to pick my favorite part of this, his steely blue gaze, his crown that says, the state of Louisiana has a monarch, and I am it.

Speaker 1

13:37

Or his prominently displayed earring, despite not having any ears to speak of. No question here, that large water bird fucks. What an incredible motivator to get out and vote in Louisiana that will obviously backfire when everyone writes in that pelican as their choice for governor. But advocates argue that vote by mail is still a good idea that would reduce obstacles to civic participation.

Speaker 1

14:01

But that, in and of itself, may be why it's become so controversial. Conservative opponents often speculate that any increased participation would benefit Democrats, despite the fact researchers have consistently found that it hasn't obviously helped 1 party or the other. And yet, some are willing to go to extremes to fight this. Texas' AG threatened to prosecute anyone who encouraged people to get an absentee ballot because they were afraid of the coronavirus.

Speaker 1

14:29

And the lieutenant governor there has been doing some truly Trump-caliber-level fear-mongering.

Speaker 7

14:34

When you have an opportunity to steal a vote, the Democrats will take advantage of it. And this is what it's all about. There is no reason, capital N, capital O, no reason that anyone under 65 should be able to say, I'm afraid to go vote.

Speaker 7

14:46

Have they been to a grocery store? Have they been to Walmart? Have they been to Lowe's? Have they been to Home Depot?

Speaker 7

14:50

Have they been anywhere? Have they been afraid to go out of their house? So this is a scam by the Democrats to steal the election.

Speaker 1

14:55

Look, far be it from me to challenge the wisdom of a well-read guy whose bookshelf is only half occupied by footballs. But going to the grocery store doesn't mean people aren't afraid, it means they need to eat. At a certain point, hunger outweighs fear, which is also, incidentally, the official slogan of Taco Bell.

Speaker 1

15:15

But even in states that try to fight it, the odds are that there will be a lot more people voting by mail come this fall. Which brings us to our final point, how will states handle that? Well, first, they need money fast. Some estimate the costs of properly running the 2020 elections during the pandemic could reach 4000000000 dollars.

Speaker 1

15:34

And unfortunately, the CARES Act directed just 400 million dollars to states, which is just nowhere near enough. And this funding needs to come quickly. Some jurisdictions are going to struggle to handle a high volume of mail ballots. In fact, take the swing state of Pennsylvania, which only had 107,000 absentee ballots in their 2016 primary, but received applications for over 1.8 million this year.

Speaker 1

15:58

And coping with surges like that won't be easy. It could require hiring and training dozens of additional workers to process ballots, or purchasing machinery costing up to a million dollars per unit. And if you are going to do that, you need to decide right now. Because machines like high-speed scanners and sorters can take several months to order and safely install.

Speaker 1

16:20

All of which makes it more than a little concerning that some, like Missouri Governor Mike Parson, the man you saw earlier telling voters to stay at home if they didn't feel safe. Some of them have argued that everyone should relax because there's just no rush to deal with this.

Speaker 6

16:35

Right now, it's about repair or being prepared for COVID-19, doing what we can for that. It's about getting the economy started back up. It's about people going back to work.

Speaker 6

16:45

There'll be time to talk about the elections in November and August, but now's not the time for that. There'll be time for that.

Speaker 1

16:52

But now is absolutely the time to talk about this. You cannot prepare for an election the same way you update your computer's software by just putting it off for months on end and secretly hoping that maybe you'll be dead before you actually have to deal with it. We need to get this right now.

Speaker 1

17:08

And it doesn't stop there. Officials should also be communicating to voters exactly how to get a mail-in ballot, when they need to do it by, and how to properly fill it out. And there's actually 1 last thing that we may need to personally prepare ourselves for, and that is that in November, if there is, as seems likely, a surge in mail-in voting, it may take much, much longer for all the ballots to be counted. In fact, we may not know who's won until a few days after election day.

Speaker 1

17:34

And if it doesn't look good for Donald Trump, look for him to use that to show discord among his supporters. I'm just kidding, of course. He'll win in a landslide, and his victory speech will be taking a shit on the stage to thunderous applause. That's really in keeping with the vibe 2020 has set so far.

Speaker 1

17:50

But regardless, there are a few things that you can do here. If your state does allow voting by mail, you can request and return your absentee ballot early. This will help flatten the curve of vote tabulating on election day. And as a reminder, if you need a stamp, these little beauties are available for 2 more weeks.

Speaker 1

18:08

And there's actually 1 last problem that we may be able to help you with here, because if the thing that's stopping you from voting by mail is not being able to get a fun free sticker, we have you covered there. We've designed 4 of them that you can print out at home, including 1 that says, I wanted people to know I voted by mail, so I printed out this sticker. 1 that says, I voted by mail, with an image of this hamster in a Speedo. 1 featuring a ghost with an X through it and the caption, I'm not dead and I voted by mail.

Speaker 1

18:34

And finally, in the spirit of Louisiana, 1 featuring this emu wearing a top hat with a nose ring for no reason whatsoever. All of these are available for you at IVotedByMail.com. And I would seriously consider doing it. Because if you vote by mail, not only will you be exercising your civic duty, you'll also be making Tucker Carlson really fucking mad.

Speaker 1

18:56

And what better incentive is there to do absolutely anything than that.